I Think I Hate Birthdays
by FrozenDreamBox
Summary: It is Matthew William 16th birthday today, too bad the occasion and the boy himself have been forgotten again. Matthew doesn't think he can take all this anymore. Human AU. Canada x ?
1. Chapter 1

Matthew woke up to a quiet house, he looked over to his alarm clock and saw why. Seeing that it was 2pm he sighed with a victorious smile, he usually woke up early but not today. Today he wanted to waste it away in dreamless sleep. He closed his eyes but the noon light was too bright to fall back asleep, thus he got out of bed. Matthew lazily dragged himself downstairs in his maple leaf pajamas and with his cherished toy polar bear: Kumajiiro. Alfred must have gone out with friends, or that British girl, that's the only reason it could ever be so quiet in this house.

When he got to the kitchen, in a trance he started making pancakes. There is never a time that isn't good for pancakes. He sighed while cracking eggs, he knew what day it was, but didn't want to officially tell himself. It would only make it worse. While being completely ignored and invisible hurts on a normal day, it seem much more painful on his birthday. "Damn it." he said aloud in exasperation, he wasn't supposed to think about it. He turned 16 today, but their isn't anything sweet about it when no one even remembered.

He finished the pancakes and set a lone plate for himself. Drowning them in maple syrup before adding whip cream and strawberries for the occasion. 'No!' he thought, 'It just a normal day, nothing special.' Giving up on not thinking about it he walked back into the kitchen and got out a small cake candle and lighter. He stuffed it in the top pancake and lit it before writing 'Happy 16th birthday Matthew!' along the rim of the plate.

He hummed the happy birthday song to himself before blowing out the candle. He felt a tear side down his face but ignored it and made a wish.

"I wish some one could see me and remember me." It was a wish that no one else had to wish for but it was the only thing he wanted. Just for a while.

He sighed, "What a pointless wish." he said to himself while slumping in his chair," Honestly, I think I hate Birthdays."

He figure, after so long, he would simply accept that he was nothing and unmemorable but he couldn't. If he did, he would lost the main thing keeping him going: hope. Hope that someday, someone will notice him and drag him from the ghost land he seems to be trapped in.

The pancakes made it a little better, simply because they were delicious. Then he saw a note on the fridge, it was signed by his adoptive dads, Arthur and Francis.

_Gone birthday present shopping, you can't come! Burgers in fridge: Francis made them don't worry. _

Matthew stood shocked before he smiled the biggest smile he had in years.

" They remembered my Birthday!" he exclaimed running over to the fridge to hold the note to verified its' existence. He literally jumped for joy, smiling like a child before running to the stairs. Not bothering to clean up his dishes, he bounded up the stairs to his room. He quickly put on his best clothes, a dark red dress shirt, white tie and white jeans. He couldn't stop smiling and a few tears fell from his eyes from the happiness. He let them fall as he combed his blonde hair then brushed his teeth.

'My wish came true, today is finally the day!' he thought while going back downstairs to clean up, 'The day they all notice me for me!' Matthew laughed. He was so happy he didn't know what to do. 'Just one day, I had hoped so many times, just one day when they know i who am, when they really see me.' He thought.

The door bell rung.

Matthew ran faster than he thought could to the door and yanked it open smiling wide. There stood Francis and Arthur, Arms full of shopping bags, answering the question why they did use their key.

"Alfred! Go to your room your not allowed to see these yet!" Yelled Arthur in a heavy British accent, eyeing Matthew with accusing emerald eyes.

"Honhonhon, you know he'll peak anyway, oui?" said Francis.

Matthews grin faltered, and in his normal soft tone he said, "I'm not Alfred, I'm Matthew."

They both turned to him,"Who the bloody hell is Matthew? Don't lie, you git!"Arthur yelled while stumbling passed Matthew through the doorway.

Francis, on the other hand stood still in the doorway, closely eyeing Matthew. Two awkward minutes past and only then a spark of recognition appeared in Francis's eyes. Matthews once joyous demeanor had become crestfallen.

"Ah! Oui! You are Mathieu!" Francis said as he went to stand in front of the violet eyed boy. " Here, go wrap your brothers presents. The hamburger print wrapping is.." Francis looked around then searched each bag before finding and puling out obnoxious coloured wrapping paper."Here! Now hurry up, before Alfred comes back and sees them."

Dazed, Matthew walked to his room with the bags, he silently slipped through the door and locking it behind him.

"Mon Dieu, Arthur! You didn't recognize... your other son at all!" Matthew heard Francis say to Arthus downstairs.

"What are you going on about, frog? We only have one son!" Arthur called back.

Upstairs Matthew, hearing every word, slumped against his door.

"They forgot. They were buying Alfreds presents, not mine that was 3 days before." Matthew whispered as he dropped the bags and slid down the door. He sat there, curled up and unmoving whilst staring at his hands, just so he could see himself.

"I'm alive, I matter.. But.. then why..every time.." Matthew barely whispered the words before he felt tears falling down his cheeks. He started sobbing loudly, not bothering to quiet them since no one would hear him anyway.

It had never hurt this bad before, this feeling was so much worse. The feeling of high hopes being torn away from you. It was too cruel and not something Matthew could really handle after such a long never ending low.

He stayed like that for hours, the light had faded from the room. It was night time and he had missed dinner probably but it was fine because no one there missed him.

Matthew looked around his room of white walls and grey carpet; he had hockey posters up and his own drawings or paintings on the walls. He was very proud of his Canadian heritage and had a large flag on wall, everything else was themed red or white to match.

He worked 2 jobs that this adoptive parents didn't know about, simply to pay for his art supplies. Which he didn't mind really, he liked the smells of the Deli he worked at and his newspaper route was pretty scenic.

Matthew wondered why he was thinking about such things and came to the conclusion that this is all he'll be leaving behind. A White and red room, mediocre paintings and two empty job slots.

Matthew stood and started getting ready to go out. He was stiff from sitting so long but still pulled on his favourite red hoodie and some red converse.

As a after thought, he grabbed Kumajiiro and held him tight.

He unlocked his door and put the shopping bags in the hallway before relocking it. He walked downstairs while shaking off the fatigue from crying with deep breathes.

He wasn't sure at what point during his crying he had decided to do this, but he was walking out the door regardless. Without saying goodbye to his almost family, he closed the door behind him.

It was cold for July but the yellow glow of the street lamps warmed up the atmosphere. The street was desolate but it was enjoyable for Matthew. No one was around to not see him, to act like he didn't exist or mistake him for his exciting and popular brother.

It was just him and a empty street, and he slowly walks alone to what will be his death.

" I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes but its only me and I walk alone" Matthew starting singing to the air, it fit the moment surprisingly well.

"I walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams as the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone. I walk alone. I walk alone." If anyone could actually hear his voice they would know it was beautiful.

"My shadow is the only one who walks beside me, my shallow hearts the only thing that's beating. Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me, until then I walk alone."

Matthew let his voice and the song fade out at he approached the bridge. It must be really late or very early because no cars or people were on the bridge either.

"This is it."Matthew said, the sound of resolution strong in his voice, " There really is no reason for me to live anymore is there? What would I gain from it but more pain? That's not living, that is slowly waiting to die."

Matthew sat on the edge of the bridge and looked down. If it wasn't for the fact he was about to die, this would have been beautiful.

The river rushed below, black-blue water danced with white and yellow lights from the porch lights of the houses lining its banks. The full moon gleamed like a broken spotlight on the moving water. The clear sky twinkled with stars, Matthew could even make out a few constellations.

Sadly, the beauty didn't diffuse the gravity of the situation. Their would be no headline for his suicide, he knew that for sure. His body would never be found, and no one will have ever looked for it.

Matthew held Kumajiiro tightly to his chest as he really thought about what he was about to do while enjoying the last moment of being alive.

* * *

_A/N: Hi, this is Loyal And yeah... i hope that was depressing. But I'm not sure if Canada should just die or if someone should save him? Maybe Prussia? idk_

_Review and Decide Canada's Fate! DUh Duh DUUUUUH!_

_or not. :D_

_Have a nice day!_


	2. Chapter 2

" Oh Gott, I think I drank too much," the brutish blonde said, holding his head while he walked home. His father and friends had rented out a small gala for the party and they apparently had no qualms with underage drinking. His father left not an hour into the party before catching a flight anyway.

His return celebration had been fun, if not a bit to much but he had been abroad with his brother in Germany for the last 4 years so it was understandable. A sudden wave of nausea hit him and Ludwig stopped his walking, grabbing the bridge railing for support as he stumbled. He smoothed back his hair and tried to shake off the haze in his head.

He had come back from Germany with a thicker accent and honourable grades while his brother had gotten a thicker ego and mediocre grades. Thankfully, the school was prestigious enough that, regardless of grade point average, just having its name on a resume helped you out. Coming back was his father idea, he wanted his boys to have their 12th year at home. But really it was so he could leave the shop to them while he travelled.

Ludwig let out a heavy sigh as he walked across the bridge, still supported himself by the railing. Ludwig looked up to a shuffling sound and his eyes widened as he say a boy 2 ft. in front of him standing on the railing. The boy was young with chin length blonde hair, wearing a red and white ensemble. He held a white plushie bear to his chest, gripping it with white knuckles.

He was also about to jump off the verdammt bridge! Ludwigs eyes saucered and her clumsily lurched forward. The boy had only just started tipping over the edge when Ludwig quickly snatched the back of the boys hoodie and yanked him back on to the bridge.

The boy gasps before a –thump– silenced him. Ludwig looked down to see he had knocked boy unconscious.

Ludwig panicked, pushing his drunkenness to the back of his mind and he knelt drown next to the boy. He placed his fingers on the blondes neck, sighing in relief to have found a pulse. The boy looked about his age and was blonde like him as well, but that is where the similarities stopped. Compared to Ludwigs hard features, the boy facial feature were delicate and his hair was pale like his skin. He had moment old wet tears sliding down his face but his face wasn't red from the crying. Meaning the tears must have been more from older wounds than new ones. He look downright unhealthy but then again he was just about to jump off a bridge.

Ludwig searched the boys pockets for something that could identify him, or have his address. He eventually found a piece of thin paper in the boys jeans pocket, he read it aloud.

" Gone birthday present shopping, you can't come! Burgers in fridge: Francis made them don't worry." Well that is useless, Ludwig didn't know anyone named Francis.

Ludwig realize that he still couldn't just leave him here and picked him up, bridal style, in his arms. The boy was ridiculously light for his height and the polar bear toy still in his grip added no weight. Ludwig wondered how much was wrong with this kid, either way he should probably take him to the hospital. Hanging his head, he realized he didn't know where the hospital was in this town and didn't carry a mobile phone for this country yet.

-Drip–

Ludwig stopped his musing at the sound. He looked for the source only to find a stain of red on the pavement below the fragile boys head. He took of in a run while still trying not to jostle the boy too much. Taking him to his house would have to do. He could feel his navy jacket sleeve dampening with blood.

He quickly passed the dark houses and street lamps, the only sound was his footstep and the cool wind whistling in his ears. The calm quiet now held an eerie vibe, like the shadows were angry that he took what was about to theirs.

Ludwig ran faster in fear of what would have if the shadows were to catch them. He sighed in exasperation when he saw his home. He felt safe standing in the porch light but the boy in his arms was still in danger. He fumbled awkwardly to open the door with his key before turn the door knob. He used his foot to open it the rest of the way and walked in.

The stopped in the entrance, unsure where to put him. His eyes flicker around the vaguely familiar house before eyeing his open bedroom door. After 4 years abroad the house seemed more like from a dream than a memory. He walked into his room and placed to boy gently on his bed. He looked around for something of use only to find unopen boxes and luggage. Ludwig went to the bathroom and found bandage rolls and small towels and filled a bowl with hot tap water.

Strangely enough the boys closed eyes still leaked tears. Ludwig frowned at them as they fell into his hairline, defiant of his sleeping form. Ludwig only knew basic treatment, so he nervously turn the boy on his side before getting to work. He brushed his hair away and dabbed his bloody head. The boy flinched unconsciously, so Ludwig tried being gentler.

The bleeding still didn't stop: 'elevation,' he thought.

Ludwig stood and tore pillows from their packing before placing them in a step shape, 3 pillows, 2 pillows and 1 pillow. He the picked up the injure kid and placed him on the pillow ramp. Ludwig was happy his love for pillows came in handy instead of the normal bad joke they caused.

The bleeding slowed as he once again wiped away the blood before cleaning it with hot water.

didn't want to risk the boy waking up yet so he didn't use a disinfectant as they usually hurt a great deal on open wounds. If he woke now it would only make it worse.

The boys hair was now soaked with water, but was still seeping blood. Ludwig lifted the boys head and started to wrap it in the bandage. He pinned it in place and slowly put the boys head back on the pillow. The boy still held his bear childishly in a vice grip, it made the whole scene fill the air with a melancholic innocence.

Not wasting time he found a phone in the living room and dialed— who should he dial? The hospital for his head wound? A mental institution for trying to off himself? No, he didn't understand the boys situation enough to get authorities involved.

He dialed his brothers number instead, only he had gotten a phone the moment we landed.

Doooooo...Doooooo.. "You are speaking to Awesome, how may I help you?" Gilbert answered haughtily with party noises in the background.

" Bruder, come home now, I need your help." Ludwig got straight to the point.

" Help with what, bruder? What's going on? Are you okay?" Gilberts voice was suddenly serious from changing into protective older brother mode.

"nicht, nicht. I'm fine but I found this guy and ...he was ... unconscious and his head was bleeding." Ludwig said before wondering if it was the right thing to do. He is sure though that the boy wouldn't want his actions publicize.

"I took him to our house and fixed his wounds but.. I don't know what to do now." He continued, confusion wavering his voice.

" What? Oi.. Don't worry little bruder! The awesome me is coming to save you!" Gilbert yelled into the phone.

Their was a revving sound on the other line before Ludwig was hung up on. His eyes widened, ' That idiot! Driving that thing was dangerous when sober!'

10 minutes later, Gilbert came through the door only to trip and fall, " okay, well.. Umm." He says, words muffled by the floor on his face.

Gilbert stands and properly greet his brother before asking him to see the guy he picked up. Ludwig leads him to his room where the boy slept.

Gilbert smells the blood before he sees it, the metal tang smell fill the room like the color red did. The hardwood flooring was smeared with blood and the white towels were no longer white.

Among the red and white was a unknown boy holding a bear that didn't fit yet perfectly fit with his surroundings. The boys coloring was faded in comparison to the blood and his clothing, with pale blonde hair and pale skin. He looked like a massacred angel.

"So, what should we do?" Ludwig said beside him.

Gilbert thought a moment before saying, " Well, I think we better just let him sleep for now. The we can figure out what to do in the morning. Do you know his name?"

"Nope, the kid had no ID on him. Just that bear and a meaningless note about someone named Francis." Ludwig said while leaning against the door way. The nights wear had begun to weigh on him and his eyes were drooping. He heard a yawn beside him and found Gilbert in the same predicament except Gil eyes were still trained on the nameless boy.

"He looked like a bird with broken wings," Gil whispered to himself. "We should sleep too then." Gilbert said quietly, still watching the boy, red eyes betraying nothing in particular.

Ludwig nodded even though Gilbert wouldn't see and then turned to go sleep in his fathers vacant room.

' How coud this happen to someone that seems so delicate?' Gilbert thought, as he went to cover the boy with a blanket. ' How could someone let him get hurt? Didn't they know that you have to protect fragile things?'

Gilbert turned off the light before reluctantly pulling his eyes from the boy and going to bed.

* * *

**_A/N: Well again, i'm Loyal and there it is. You diecied Canada LIVES! But ha.. he still got hurt. This will likely be a PruCan fic. or Romano/ maybe gercan.. wait no thats icky. _**

_Anyway, I have a plot line but its fuzzy so idk what canada is gonna be like when he wakes up. Like all emo or confused or tight lipped or leaevs quick._

_Thank you all for reviewing! _

_now.. IDIVIDUAL RESPONES!_

_**HetaReader:** T.T your so nice. Yeah, i think neglect does more domage to a person than hate ever could becuase you can't fight it. IF your hated you can just brush it off or retaliate. But if your ignored.. how do you get out of that? idk man, idk. I chose Prussia becuase i know the paring better. I've never heard of the netherland pairing. Anyway, happy i could break your heart for you! :D_

_**Stories with a Term**: I'm glad you liked it, and Woooooooohooo he lives! I just want to read a fic where the main character dies randomly and everyone is confused... Have a good day, monsiuer/ madame._

_**Luna:** Hmm.. Alfred is.. just.. well. hm. I just don't think, even if that were to happen, Matthew could forgive them. It would be too much. A betrayal. Idk Have a great day filled with pie and cheesecake! ^.^_

_**Idea-Explosion:** I agree that it is unreal, then again, so is forgetting an entire nation. hahaa. Thanks for the idea offers! Though i didn't use 'em, they served as a template of things expected to happen. Thus, i steer my muffin go-cart writing machine in the opposite direction. Also your English is pretty damn good, What your native language? Bilingual-ness is awesome, I speak french fluently._

_**i-heart-ice-cream:** Hahahah your cute. your like: teh! NOWW! and i'm like : teh? NOWW? Thank you for reviewing, i smiled, see :DDDDDDDDDDD_

_Inkflow: mmmm i really like Russia pairing but i really couldn't see him saving the life of someone he didn't know. Russia would be like kolkolkolkol... * evil purple arua* while smiling like a little kid with a new metal pipe. anyway, Thanks for review person of earth._

_**Guest:** Bonjour guestly one, such a strange name you have, strange indeed. Mwhahaha cliffy? its puny cuz .. he was gonna.. jump.. like off a cliff...but... it was a bridge..instead. I hope i see you again guestly one of guestines._

**_Please review!_**


	3. Chapter 3

I AM JUST GONNA SAY.. that _Life house: your all i want_

is a fantastic combo with this chapter.. but whatever man. ignore me if you wish. It is up to you.

* * *

On the brink of consciousness Matthew's mind was blank, asides from the vague floating sensation. Twas like a dreamless sleep, except that it hurt. Was it suppose to hurt? Death that is.

I don't know.

Then suddenly Matthew could feel again, the comforting feeling of breathing and something soft against his skin. He could pin point the pain, it was at the back of his head.

Matthew was becoming extremely confused and thought, ' I don't understand, Is death a freeze frame of the moment you die? But then how can I feel so warm when the river looked so cold?'

Matthews eyes fluttered open and he finished his thoughts aloud, "Then, am I in heaven?"

"No, but I'm here! So, its awesomely close." said smiling Gilbert who was hovering dangerously close over Matthews face.

Matthew eyes came into focussed and he blushed immediately because their was a gorgeous boy inches from his face. He fidgeted under the boys gaze but didn't look away. He had short stark white hair that was surprisingly his natural color. He could tell by the color of his eyebrows and the thick white eyelashes surrounding his crimson eyes. His pale skin seemed to glow in the sparse daylight coming from the window. Matthew stopped fidgeting but could help but stare at the albino boy.

Gilberts cocky demeanor fell as he was startled by the boys eyes, a periwinkle purple dotted with sky blue unveiled by his glasses that had slipped down his nose. The angelic eyes perfectly coincided with his almost girl like features. Arching eyebrows and cotton candy blush dusting the boys cheeks under his high cheek bones were framed with wavy pale blonde hair. Gilbert had to admit, he had never seen a boy that could only be described as beautiful.

It felt strange to be so seen, to be looked at as himself and not his brother. Is this how people usually feel when they are look at? Does their stomachs turn in a nervously and their heart acts like it might beat out their chest.

They simply stared at each other, captivated by each other before there were 4 knocks at the door.

"Oh, your awake. Gilbert, stop doing that, you'll creep him out." said Ludwig, thick German accent warping his words.

Gilbert straightened up, blushing as he glanced back at he boy, " Haha. Right, okay bruder."

Matthew sat up, ignoring the pain on his head, he looked around the room. It was littered with boxes and luggage. Light blue walls, white carpet and a large window surrounded the only furniture in the room, a bed. The boy at the door was tall, with sleeked back canary yellow hair and serious blue eyes. He held a tough look about him but didn't look threatening. The albino boy was lankier but clearly had muscle tone under his black shirt and grey skinny jeans. An air of mischief surrounded him as well as a bubble of self confidence that Matthew could only dream of.

As Matthew gathered this information he realized,... he had no idea what was going on. He furiously blushed and his breathe quickened. Memories of sitting on the railing of the bridge came back to him but then what?

' What the maple is going on!' He thought as he gripped his head, trying to make sense of the situation.

The German brothers, when seeing this, rushed over to him.

"Hey, hey. It alright, my Bruder here found you unconscious and bleeding so he brought you to our house! See! Your all bandaged up!" Gilbert said loudly smiling as he pointed at the wrap on Matthews head.

Matthews heart skipped a beat when he saw the smile but still looked at him wide eyed and confused. 'Is that true?' he wondered as he raised his hand to his head to feel the bandages, wincing when he brushed the back of his skull.

Ludwig knew he wouldn't understand, he probably only remembers trying to off himself. He probably needed a ibuprofen or advil for the pain. "Gilbert, can you get him water and a advil?"

"Umm.. Sure," Gilbert said, " The awesome me will get you what you need!" then Gilbert saunter out the door.

Gilbert left the room to do as he was ask but still felt Ludwig had an ulterior motive for making him leave. He narrowed his blood red eyes in confused suspicion as he let the tap run cold.

Back in Ludwigs room, Ludwig explain what really happened.

" I was just walking home when I saw you trying to jump, and sorry. I just panicked and pulled you back onto the bridge. That's why I had to bandage your head."

Matthew found the accent soothing to his ears but it wasn't as flowing as the other boys, Gilberts voice. He calmly tried to understand what happened as he realized he failed. He had failed his final escape.

" I guess I should thank you for saving my life." Matthew said while trying to sound happy about it; he failed miserably and looked down at his hands. 'I still have kumajaw' Matthew thought before holding him closer to his chest.

Ludwig frown at the boy, he clearly didn't want to live anymore but just letting him die without knowing why he had to isn't something Ludwig could let happen.

"What is your name?" Ludwig asked.

" Matthew," Matthew said and then looked down at Kumajino, " .. And this is Kumajinki." He held the fluffy bear up to show the German.

Matthews eyes had sparkle a moment as he held up the bear like a best friend. The act was endearing but sombre, like a child could only ever play in his room. Ludwig wanted to help the boy, it was heartbreaking to watch this. "I'm Ludwig and the albino is my brother, Gilbert."

Matthew nodded.

"So, why did you try to kill yourself" Ludwig asked needing to know, curiosity getting the better of him.

Matthew pulled the blanket over him closer, trying to hide himself in the folds.

" Hey, I should at least call your parents they probably are worried about you. Do you have their number?" Ludwig said, impatiently in the boys silence.

Gilbert walked back to his brother and the amethyst eyed boy, but stopped when he heard the boys laugh. It was bitter and laced with a sadness he didn't think could be portrayed in something as joyful as a laugh. It didn't fit the angel.

Leaning against the wall beside the door, Gilbert simply listened with sad eyes.

" They won't worry. They never do." Matthew whispered.

" Why not? They love you. Parents always worry if their children don't come home. Your mother probably crying cause she doesn't know where you are!" Ludwig said obliviously.

Matthew paused a moment, 'Mommy?' Matthews head was suddenly filled with flash back of his mother crying. The memories he never thought about, that he couldn't think about cause if he did.. Matthew shuddered at the memory of his younger self. So consumed by fear and sadness that he had been hysterical. Matthew wasn't sure what being insane was like but he assumed it was close to that experience. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind and pulled back reality.

Such simply words cut Matthew deep. 'Worry? No, you can worry about something that doesn't exist to you. Love? ... I-I'm not sure if..they do ' He couldn't stop the tears, his invisibly, how forgotten he was and now, how he couldn't seem to escape the purgatory of being the exception to the rules of loving your own child.

" They don't see me.. They don't even remember who I am! I'm nothing and I can't even kill myself to escape..."

Ludwig stared dumbly at the broken boy then jumped, the sound of shattering glass resounded with the boy sobs.

Gilbert left the broken glass and ran into the room. He immediately got onto the bed and hugged the crying angel. He felt him grip the front of his shirt and his head fell defeated against his chest as he wept. Gilbert held the blonde tightly and cooed.

" I see you, shhh it's okay.." Gilbert closed his eyes and hoped the boy would hear him, so he knows he isn't alone. "I see you and I won't forget you no matter what... Alight?"

His sobs were quieter but he still shook, "Ssshhhh.. Its okay little angel."

* * *

A/N: Hey, this is Loyal and i'm gonna say that this a likely the sadness point Mattie will go, most likely. And if anyone got the subtle reference to a *cough* weeping angel*cough*, then i shall give you you a cupcake, k?

**Does anyone know where the nickname Birdie for Canada came from in PruCans? I get that it Gilbert love of Gilbird and bird but srly?**

**Miyuki**: HEllO~ yeppers, this is prucan. I agree with the angel thing, he is really angelic. He has such a gentleness about him that deserved feathers wings and a halo. Thank for reviewing! I'm Happy you like it! :DD

**Idea-Explosion**: I was srly about to google what language Dutch people speak... then i realize... That's a stupid question. You Speak Dutch! * face-palm* Well then thank you for reviewing and for being Dutch. T.T

**AllinahPony**: Tehe, Why thank you. * bows*. Ja, though. Germany just doesn't have the.. emotional capacity to handle Canada and Canada is just to sweet for him. HAVE A GOOD DAY MISS LADY. ahem.

**Inkflow**: O.O Not off this earth you say! * GASP* Are you from Neptune? The Planet of Corn that is Neptune!? if so, Don't worry the Doctor is coming. Anyway, Thank you for rereviewing and i hope your day is filled wish happinest. XD

**EqualDemise731**:Hi. HEhe! Thanks and JA GERMANY IS CERTAINLY the HERO. America shivers in the distance Hope you like this chapter, :D

**Sami199**: Yes i will continue it, and if i get bored.. it will simply become stranger..okay shh.. shhhhhhh..if i get bored.. i might.. add... vampires SHHH! you can't tell ANYONE! Okay? ( I had to tell someone, srry.. even though tecnically i'm typing this to myself then sending it to you via post that i wont evn know you see.)

To answer your question in a less annoying way: Yes, I will continue this story.

**Please Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

'Sometimes, I look out at the sky at night. Cityscape drowning out the starlight leaving an endless black abyss. Memory of the fiery sunset tint the darkness blood red but it is still just darkness. Nothing else to be seen, stars a reaching memory, creating imaginary diamonds.

Strange, how the bright ground full of shining cars and grey pavement should draw my eye yet they are fixed on the distant black.

Nothing and everything, so much potential like a blank canvas stretching over the sky.

It held a thousand times more appeal that the bright blue or cold grey, as if such inferior colors weren't enough for the sky, like a kings robe dyed brown over a vibrant purple.

I've spent my whole life in the shadows, unseen and unnecessary. An now, just as its about to become a perfect black, a light. A freaking light shows up, beckoning! And I know I should walk straight to it, the light, it is what I should want. To run from the shadows and live in happiness.

But I began to hate the light long before the darkest shadow fell over me, it was a traitor. It betrayed me! I needed it! SO FUCKING BAD! And... it was.. Never there. It never showed. And now its here, when I have grown so used to shadows, eyes adjusted to the dark and ear grown used to the silence.

Based on seniority, the shadows are my kingdom, more than anyone elses. So why must I go to the light? It left me so long ago that I forgotten how sunshine happiness felt and now I only see how everyone around me bask in the kingdom of light. But the light I see is cruel, sadistic and unrelenting.

Why should I leave the kingdom I reign, the kingdom I understand, for one who always looked upon me with disgust. The light and the darkness are enemies, its sun will not tolerate shadows, its fire would leave only my ashes to scatter.

But here I am, at the border, the edge of my home in the dark. And though I know most would run across it desperately. I don't think I want to leave. That bright world doesn't seem welcoming. I don't think I want to be happy.

Happiness would try to burn my shadows and eventually I would turn to light. Forcing amnesia to the parts of my mind that hate the cruel light.

But maybe we could make a deal, where we meet in the lightest shadows and the darkest light.

For company is bound to the light and I to the dark, but im lonely. Lonely enough to live on my borders, and perhaps someone wouldn't mind living to close to the shadows.

To balance and live in the grey where butterflies and moths mingle.'

Matthew opened his eyes.

* * *

**A/N: hey this is loyal, sorry i haven't been updating. I just could feel it, that exact feeling of long term darkness. **

**Anyway, the story will start up again soon. I hope you like this little writing thing, this is my version of poetry i suppose. Long, many words and coherent.**

**I hope you all had a great summer and review!... but you might be made at me for leaving... umm**

**Review please, even if it's just to yell at me! :D**


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